I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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