It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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