Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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