Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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