You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
