but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
how do flat chested girls get laid?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We left the knife in your bed.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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