I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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