Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
