why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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