i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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