mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
3pm strippers are depressing
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
