you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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