Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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