he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Randomize
