4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
handjob tips. give me some.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Randomize
