It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
