I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Randomize
