I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
