put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Randomize
