I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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