vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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