what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
