moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
