when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
