Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
