oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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