A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
