But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
