Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
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I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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