well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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