onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
