K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
Just invented taco cereal.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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