Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
