This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
