im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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