All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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