Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
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i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
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future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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