just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
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