I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
