I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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