i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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