Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You ate ashes out of my bong
Randomize
