I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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