WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
