She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Enjoy the penises
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
