How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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