Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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