I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
