I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
