My room smells like vodka and shame
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
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The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
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Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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