He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Still dying that you shit outside
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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