it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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