they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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