I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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