his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
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