end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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