google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
