had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
