so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize