vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
