This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize