I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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