Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
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Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
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Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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