Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Randomize
