You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
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You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
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Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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