I cockslap morals
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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