I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
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