I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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