Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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