Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
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He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
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