why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
