I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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