Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Blood and glitter go together right?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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