Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Randomize
