Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
