Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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